and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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