is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
