Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize