it hurts more in the daytime
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
