Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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