The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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