Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
