Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
