The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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