Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
