i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
