I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
