I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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