why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
