Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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