I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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