I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
