I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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