my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
