so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
