you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
