so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
