ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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