i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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