And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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