i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
