I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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