I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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