will power is for people who don't want to get laid
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
