I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
