Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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