I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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