OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
