I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
