I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
