i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
