Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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