I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize