And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
