So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
