that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
