I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize