there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
