Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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