you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She bit a glass in half.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
