I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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