Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
