dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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