there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
