TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
