Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
