He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
