I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
