does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
