Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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