I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
