I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
