Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
