dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My vagina just recognized that song.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
