I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
