Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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