i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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