Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
