Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
