She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
