you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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