Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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