so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
