I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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