at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
