I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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