I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
