It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
