wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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