last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
