Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
