My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize